my room smells like sperm. sweet.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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