I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
