your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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