Screwed.edu
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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