my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
