Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Michael Bay diarrhea
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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