Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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