She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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