I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
