He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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