Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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