i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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