I am full of burrito and curiosity
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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