I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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