but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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