Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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