I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize