This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
