Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
