Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
