I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
