im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
