my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We just shotgunned beers for America
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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