it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize
