Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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