I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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