im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
