she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My vagina is very pro this idea
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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