i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
