roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize