I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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