Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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