the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
