if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
