Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
