I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
