I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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