love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
