this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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