One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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