Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize