ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
