What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
