We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
