Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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