well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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