either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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