today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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