At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
