I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
