:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
