lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize