Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
