Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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