your thong is hanging out like whoa
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
