I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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