Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
