I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
