I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
