Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
