Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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