try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize