i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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