My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wish I only lived at night.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
