I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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