3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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