It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
