Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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