i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I love you. Go after that dick
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
