This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
