she woke up with a sticky ear
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
