I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
