By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
