I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize