i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
