First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
