Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
