Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
