I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
