so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
