Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize