I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
