Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
