people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
