Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
