I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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