ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
His nipple licking is glorious
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