I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
