she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
