Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
