Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
